worst. mother. ever.

The mystery fever, at long last, I’m pretty sure, is OVER.

Eleanor came down with a fever on Wednesday afternoon, and had it through mid-day today.  She was the saddest I have ever seen her.  She was a limp dish rag.  She had no appetite.  She barfed.

I took her to the doctor on Saturday morning when I was sure she was getting worse.  The doctor said it wasn’t her nose or her ears, her chest or her eyes.  There was no sore throat, nothing.  Why did she have a fever?  Doc said it was just some virus.  Not reassuring.  They took some blood and her white count was not elevated.  Her iron was just a touch low, but not enough to make her feel bad.

Having the blood drawn was bad enough, but pulling he tape and gauze off today before her bath was even worse.  I decided to be honest; I said to her “This is going to hurt, but only for a second.”  And then I whipped it off in one quick fwoop.  Now, many people say that quick is better.  Get it over with in one fell swoop.  A brief pain and done.  And mostly I will be in agreement with that.

However, a bit of Eleanor’s skin, about the size of a pencil eraser, came off with the tape.

She started SCREAMING.  (And I frankly don’t blame her.)  And, bless her poor sick little heart, she peed her pants out of pain and fright. (And I frankly don’t blame her.)  She looked at the pee running down – horrified – and freaked out all the more, and my heart just broke.  And she screamed and cried some more when she got in the tub and the soapy water got in her new boo-boo.  And I died inside.  I should have just let the tape get crusty and fall off some time in October.  What was the rush?

She was sick and I just made it worse.  I wish I could have taken it all back.  The fever and the boo-boo and the barf and the limpness.

She forgave me, but not right away, (And I frankly don’t blame her.) I’m so glad she’s back to making a huge mess every time I turn around.  I love that little girl.