(Can I call you Toothy? It hardly matters, because I’m about to start calling you the Dental Deadbeat.)
What GIVES? I find you to be most lacking and highly unprofessional in your oversight of my daughter Saralyn’s teeth. Hello? 8-and-a-half months old now!!! Where are her teeth? It would appear that the groundwork laid by you and your fellow growth fairies has gone unresolved: there is a giant load of fussy and great gobs of slobber, but as yet not a hint of tooth. Teeth are absent, lacking, minus, sans, covert, missing, devoid and just plain nowhere-to-be-seen. I must strongly protest!
As exhibited by the puss of my older daughter, teeth in this house are properly brushed and kept away from excessive sweets. I can’t imagine why you are denying Saralyn the joys of tooth ownership. Either bring forth the teeth IMMEDIATELY or withdraw the promise thereof, which you have manifested in the slobber in the child’s gob. Carpe Dentum – forthwith!
In short, gimmie some teeth now or, come Kindergarten, we’ll be banking elsewhere.
The Ticked Off Mother.
p.s. Feel free to forward the sentiments of this letter to the Hair Fairy. Slack. All of y’all. Except the Poop Fairy. Keep up the good work…