Let me start by saying I just got some news. A former member of our church just lost her son – a massive heart attack. He was 42 years old. This comes on the heels of the death of her husband’s daughter a few months ago. My heart breaks for these very fine people. I, sitting here, have such an ache within me I can’t keep my eyes dry.
When Eleanor was born, I woke up every morning afraid to look into her crib, fearful that she would have died in the night. I had an unnatural paranoia about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. When Saralyn came along, it was less so, and now that they are older and thriving, most of the fears about my children suddenly dying on me are scorching on the back burner of my daily thoughts, mostly ignored. Until days like these. I suspect that losing a child aged 42 or aged only 2 is impossible to ever recover from. But, I can’t think on it, prepare for it, because that way like madness. Envisioning every possibility of what could happen, well that would take more time than the day offers, and there’s nothing to be done anyway.
So you deal with each obstacle that comes, pray your thanks to God for the glorious gift that you’re given, and take it day by day.
My challenge recently has been Saralyn’s mouth, more accuratly the rash around her mouth. It’s been there for some time, and I took her to the doc for a blood test for some allergies. They tested for reaction to tomatoes, wheat, eggs, soy, milk and peanuts. The blood draw went… poorly. The phlebotomist tied off her little arm and poked and poked with her finger for the best spot to stick. Then moved onto the other arm, where she picked her spot. The first needle missed the vein and she rooted around for it, got a slow trickle and then pulled the needle. She apologized 100 ways and explained what she was trying to do and I believed her sincerity, but my baby’s tears had run down her clothes, down MY arm and into my shoe. No kidding. This child screamed like they were giving her a root canal sans Novocaine.
The second stick went better, and the blood was drawn, but my baby may never forgive me. I’ll let you know when we get results.
I’m going to go hold my babies and cry a while. For as much as they drive me nuts sometimes, I really would be lost without them.