The worst kind of stress is the one where you see the end to your headaches and worry, like a light at the end of the tunnel, and then suddenly you disoriented by the sudden reappearance of blackness.
I rather feel that way tonight, as we didn’t close on the sale of our old house. We were at the closing table at the prescribed hour. Tony and I signed all the documents while waiting for the buyer to arrive. We sat waiting as G.I. Joe read. Every. Single. Loan paper. In detail. And then asked questions. (The look of horror on both Realtor’s faces and the 206 year old man began to dawdle through the documents was priceless. I even asked mine, “Are we going to be here till Tuesday?” and she said, “Probably.”)
Did I mention that Joe was late to the closing? If he hadn’t been, we might just have closed.
Sometime between the moments where WE signed and HE signed – the V.A. decided to pull the plug on the deal. Money had already been transfered to the closing attorney’s office. BUT, because the appraiser for the VA, who went back to inspect the work done to our property on MONDAY, filed a note about a few MORE repairs that he wants done, the whole deal has been stopped. The VA won’t guarantee the loan for now, and therefore we are being held hostage.
What’s the hang up? What flagrant foul is so dangerous that there will be no closing today? Three things: There’s some ivy, flaking pain and bit of rotting wood on a window frame.
I know -It’s up there with the fallout from Chernobyl. Totally. Death by nit pick. Didn’t see that one coming…
G.I. Joe – Rise of the Cheap Swindler, stars crying about how HE’s hired movers for this week, and how he’s going to have to move twice now, and how he just can’t afford that, how much he’s given already (WTF?) and could he please have occupancy, to which we were like… ? What’s in it for us? (Other than keeping this whole deal from falling apart.)
He wanted us to let him live in the house for free. And he promised he wouldn’t sue us…
Let me sum up my feelings about Toothless Joe. When he rolled into the room (late) and we got started on the paperwork – before the deal got shot to hell and gone by a 4 o’clock email – I actually felt sorry for the guy. He said he got $200 in the mail today, and it was just such a surprise, and how it helped him out so much. I calmed myself and thought about how good my life is, about how I could just give away $50 to charity today because that charity is important, not to me, but to a friend I love dearly, and how I am young (relatively) and fit (more or less) and have a LOT of advantages. Joe is sad, and alone and old and broke-down. By 6PM, I wanted to kill that cantankerous, dip-wad chiseler, his Realtor, various inspector’s for the V.A. and one of my kids. I wasn’t too fond of the put-upon attorney either. G.I. Joe really knew how to play the bumbling pity card, and he knows that he can get everyone else to pay for anything just so this deal won’t fall apart. He got his OWN REALTOR to pay for the additional repairs the VA wants done. He’s deviously brilliant. (Before you take his side, know this is the 4th house he has bought with a VA loan. He’s playing the system and that’s no mistake.)
So it’s shamefully true. We are willing to do anything to make sure this doesn’t fall apart – cause we ain’t never going to get a deal that sucks less that this one. I mean, what he’s trying to pay us sucks, and what we had to do to help HIM get HIS loan still chaps my ass, but it’s about the best we can hope to get from this house this season. So we gave another pint in hopes that we can stop our financial bleeding. We agreed to an occupancy agreement, and Joe is moving in on Saturday. I have a baaaaaaad feeling about this. Real bad.
The Realtor’s think that this can all be taken care of by Monday, and we can close the deal then, and everyone get’s their hands off this flaming tar baby. See me not holding my breath. But that hardly matters, as one way or another, the difference between here and closing Monday is one mortgage payment. And that’s just more stress than I wanted in my life tonight.