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Posts Tagged ‘cell phones’

It’s a conspiracy, you see, and it begins in childhood.  The fashion industry makes clothes for women and girls that are meant to keep us ladies down.  Hobbled.  Depressed.  Dare I say, Self-Loathing.

I’ve felt this way for a long time, but it all came to thread head this weekend.  I got my nickers in a twist while shopping with Bambi last night.  Once again, in the little girls department, I ranted noticed that little girl pants have flared legs while little boy pants have straight or tapered legs.  Why?  There can only be two reasons: to sexualize the thighs of young girls, or to make sure that when these tots go to run and play, their excessive ankle fabric swaddles the feet, causing tripping, falling and athletic frustration.  It’s a conspiracy to slow women down while making them resent their thighs.

OK – if you think I am wacky about the pant legs, let’s take the bottom off the pants argument for a moment and just focus on the top half of the bottoms.  As with the pants, the selection of shorts differs by sex as well.  In the same line of clothing (Geranimals), the girls jeans shorts are 3 inches shorter than the boys shorts.  THREE INCHES.  Proving that clothing manufactures are keeping the hot summertime slides, and all the gravitational fun therein, reserved for the BOYS with the thigh protecting pants.  Don’t even get me started on the pockets.  The girls shorts have two tiny pockets that you can only put two fingers in whereas the boys get to enjoy a roomy full hand space for toting rocks a pleanty.

Conspiracy.  I’m telling you.

I bet, at this point, you are wondering about what all this kiddie clothes talk has to do with the title of this post.  I’m coming to the point via the scenic trail: women’s pants.  The shrinking of the pockets in the Toddler Wear aisle continues into the Women’s Pants shop, where many pockets disappear all together.  About half of my pants have NO pockets at all.  I challenge you find a pair of men’s pants that go without a wallet slot.  Even my husband’s sweats and swimmies have some kind of pocket.

How can this be?  Blah blah blah carry a purse or something, people say.  But it’s just another way to keep women hobbled.  I could put my keys and cell and wallet in a purse, but then I have to hold that purse in one hand or balance it on a shoulder.  Men don’t get hobbled that way.  They have roomy pockets to carry it all, hands free.

Which brings me to today, when I left my barfing Elly at home with Tony.  I wanted to be able to get to my cell if either of them needed me, but my dress pants (and I needed to wear nice things as I was sponsoring a new family today) are pocketless.  Where to put that phone… Hmmm?

I settled on BRA. You know what I mean.  That natural pocket created between Playtex and Sternum.  Just the right size for a wee cell.

Wouldn’t you know that today was the day that my phone would ring in church.

Twice.

Humiliating as the mammary melody was, I wasn’t about to be out of contact today with my family.  Ironically, neither call was from Tony.   As it turns out, an offer on our house is forthcoming, and my Realtor is right on top of things.  Even on a Sunday morning.   I look forward to telling you all about it in a day or two, but I digress.

Conspiracy of Pants.  Am I on to something here?

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Me and the electronics are gonna throw-down in the exercise yard.  I’ve killed three computers, a cell phone and a squirrel in the last 6-weeks or so.

I’m telling the judge NOT GUILTY by reason of incompetence.  I didn’t mean to be the end for any of these devices. 

The first victimwas my office computer.  It kept turning itself off.  Then it died.  Then my home computer did basically the same thing.  Each had a slate of different symptoms and quirks, and bothwere very old, but it was a pain in the booty both times.  Earlier, I killed my husband’s lap top.  He about killed me.  He could have claimed self defense and gotten off, by the way.  If I knew what I was doing that was so wrong, I would stop doing it. I promise.

As for the cell phone, it’s under warranty, and I may get that straightened out later this week.  Assuming I can drive to the cell phone store.  Alas, there is no gas here in the Metro ATL.  I went by 5 gas stations tonight looking for gas, and no one had any to sell.  I thought driving around looking for gas would be silly.  I have about 60 miles in the tank right now, and don’t know when I will be able to get more.  So, I will be staying close to home for a few days. 

I guess that will keep me from running over any more squirrels.  We were on our way to look at a new potential house, and I ran over the fat-cheeked little monster.  I was super sad, and Tony cheered “SOLID!  Solid Hit!  You got ’em with both wheels!”  Poor booger.

Speaking of the house hunting expedition, we’ve got another potential.  We will likely make a bid this weekend.  It’s a great spot, and a great house.  Nice and big and did I mention its in just the right place?  It’s a Buy Owner property, which is a big bother.  There is no convenient way to make an offer on a Buy Owner property.  If Buy Owner were MY business, I would build a widget on the company’s site that would make a fill-in-the-blank kind of form that would let someone who wants to make an offer on a property a printable agreement document.  It seems like a no brainer.  Evidently, you are just supposed to call the seller and say “Hey, will you take X-dollars?”  and then negotiate face to face.  It seems improper.  You run the risk of getting into a he-said-she-said dust-up.  I actually called Buy Owner and asked if they had such a thing, and perhaps I was just missing it.  They said they are just about the marketing.  I wonder if sellers realize that the Buy Owner people don’t or won’t help the people who WANT to BUY their house.  There really is a difference between putting your house up for sale and helping people buy it.

We are getting closer to that step ourselves.  The house should be emptied of all extra stuff by Sunday.  Then next week I will be getting the last of the touch-ups done. Then on the 4th, our agent will come to get all the pictures made and to get us UP FOR SALE!  We really need to sell this house to buy the Potential.  We couldn’t swing payments on both for very long.  Scary stuff.

Well, I am happy to be so busy and back to a working computer to blog about it all.  Tony is a wonderful Workhorse of a man.  He’s doing killer work (haha)  Eleanor is back to normal mostly, just in time for Saralyn to get sick.  Will it never end?  I can’t complain, though, as it is a full and rewarding life.  I am very blessed.  Now, what gizmo can I butcher next….

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